And in the Muppets, right, there's this bit where the one with nee eyes and the one that looks like a pink dildo with fur on top go to Scrooge and they're like 'here man it's Christmas, give us some money for poor people', and Scrooge is like 'nar because I pay tax for prisons and workhouses ya mug.'. . .So aye. It's not great being poor.

It's tough being sixteen. You always smell like Lynx, you're supposedly in your prime (cherry flavour is the best thanks for asking), and your future is knocking at the door. . . but who decides that future? Your teachers? Society? Or a strangely perceptive Zoltar machine hidden at the back of a South Shields arcade?

Sarah Bond's Seagulls and Sad Sad Stories is the inaugural winner for the 2024 Richard Jenkinson Commission. Three young lads, hoping for the answers to their maths exam and which girls in their year they stand a chance with, find out more than they bargained for when they put the question of their future to a mystical fortune teller.

Faced with harsh realities, cruel stereotypes, and an unnaturally persistent seagull, they must decide whether the perceptions of others will determine their entire life or whether they believe they're worth so much more.

This edition was published to coincide with the world premiere at Laurels Theatre in Whitley Bay, in December 2024.